I hope to have my grandmother’s perseverance and her attitude toward her work. It is worth my time learning these things from her. As for my mom, I hope that I can have her strong faith in the Lord and her thirst for the Bible. I am not there yet. I want to learn from both of them. 

Last year I read through Philippians a lot. I want to grow in him in joy. In the past, I thought joy was knowing how to suck it up or to be positive in a hard situation. I wanted to learn that skill.  But after I read through Philippians, God helped me get a little taste of Paul’s joy when he was in prison. It’s not like Paul is positive about it. His heart is completely not there, his heart is on Jesus’s gospel and the Philippians. When he heard the gospel is spreading and the Philippians are growing, that’s where his joy came from. He’s so filled with joy that his surroundings or the situation don’t even matter.

I often wonder when I will be able to step down. Most churches are led by brothers, and in most cases their family members are all believers. So, I wonder whether I am not building up the church with my example. I think about this every day, but every time I pray about leaving my position, God does not allow me to do it.

I was facing the consequences of my sin. People didn’t tell me that if I sinned, there would be consequences. I felt it was too much: “If you are the God who cares about me and loves me, why do you make it so hard? I made a mistake, so what?” But when I look back, in that time my faith became more real.